The Apocalypse-walah movie

Let me make a few things very clear at the start...I don't claim to be an expert on movies that predict the inevitable doom of the world!!! I'm just a bored person, who hadn't written something in a while and just had to do it now!!!! So here's presenting, how to make a perfect Apocalypse walah movie!

This word has suddenly struck my fancy...I don't know why...I just like it.

And like I said, I am not an expert...and I haven't even seen all the doomsday movies...just an observation made from amongst the few I actually saw. Again, in points, for better understanding!!!!!

So every apocalypse walah movie will have these few things...not as a rule of thumb, but I think it's more of a coincidence, or simply lack of imagination.

1. The hero: He is the guy who has predicted the end of the world...people laugh at him, scoff his conspiracy theorist-like thinking, swear that the earth is indestructible and go about their own merry way. The hero eventually becomes weary of all the cynicism around him, and goes about working in a small lab, full of minions who believe him and worship him, so much that they will be with him "till the end"

2. The background story: The hero's predictions will normally be backed by an ancient historical event...think about it...2012 had the end of the Mayan calendar and The Day After Tomorrow had the ice age...Volcano had a previous volcanic eruption in the same area...

3. The kid: The hero has a kid, who he has been ignoring for the better part of the kid's life because he's just too immersed in his work. The kid is now a teenager, kinda rebellious, but loves his/her dad - the hero and has a strong sense of responsibility. The kid is normally away.

4. The man in the suit: This dude is the one to be hated...he's a senior official in the government agency where the hero works and he does not want the hero to bring his findings out in the open because "it will create chaos". He is power hungry and will not stop at anything to gain that power!!! He is actually a miserable, pathetic kind of guy, who has no one in his life. And if the world was a normal, destruction proof place, he would have lived a long, lonely life, and would have had 18 cats in a house with a white picket fence in the middle of no where.

5. The President of USA: The self-righteous man, who chooses to stay with the people, make encouraging speeches while doing not much.Oh, wait...

6. The Indian guy: There's always an Indian guy...he's a genius who figures everything out, and can't speak in decent Hindi to save his life!!! He inevitably ends up dead which makes me wanna scream, "Racists!!!!!!!!!!" or "Stereotypes!!!!!" or something similar.

7. The network: I've lived in Mumbai for over 21 years and over the years, I have faced a few emergency like situations...like the earthquake on 26th January, the floods on 26th July and the terrorist attacks on 26th November...and the one thing that has remained common is that the first thing to go down is the phone network. But somehow in these movies, the mobile networks NEVER fail!!!! And I always wonder how they are talking on the phone when there is a tsunami racing towards them!

8. The cheesy jokes: Even at the time of adversity, the protagonists will stop for a second abruptly, and crack a joke!!! And trust me; I don't see anything funny about death!!!

9. The monument: A famous monument has to be destroyed. ALWAYS!!!! The statue of liberty, Christ the redeemer, the Brooklyn Bridge are just few examples!!!! Think about it!!!!! Remember in 2012, how the Sistine Chapel cracks, breaks and rolls towards the people gathered there? 

10: The making out: The hero always finds time to make out with his partner, even when, no, wait, especially when there everyone's life is in danger.

11. Racing against the forces: When everyone runs, I can't help but wonder how they can run faster than flowing water, cold air and lava!!!! Never fails to amuse me!!!

12. The death toll: I don’t know if it’s only me…but in these movies, I like to keep count of how many people die…the number is large!!!!

13. The end: The movie normally ends with a Photoshop-ed view of the earth, the way it would look after the tragedy. More often than not, the countries that haven't been destructed, are the third world countries, where everyone finds refuge. And the third world countries welcome the refugees with open arms!!! If it were me, I would have sent them back to their destructed habitats...learn how to cope people!!!! And even at such a time, the news channels will still be broadcasting everything. Silly me!!! I thought you needed those network towers to actually broadcast stuff on TV...you know, the kind prone to destruction when the entire continent has gone underwater??? Kinda annoying!!