Sunday 23 June 2013

The kwel dyude movie

I haven't written in a while and the restlessness was gnawing my insides. I don't know if it was writer's block or plain simple lethargy. But now that I'm ready to write again, albeit temporarily of course, inspiration hit in the strangest of ways.
I got up in the morning and went to the living room today and it was co ole telly empty. Quite strange for a Sunday. What was stranger was that the tv was on and paused at a certain channel. My brother promptly entered a minute later and started the tv again. It was a silly movie which I found out was Race 2. Saif Ali Khan was dying so I assumed that the movie was about to end. But boy was I wrong! I entered the living room some half an hour later and the movie was still going on. And not only that! Saif Ali Khan wasn't even dead! So I thought about all these other movies from the same category. Dhoom, race, and all its sequels! They have so many things in common, it looks like they all have the same, uninterested, unmotivated, unimaginative writer! Here's how...
1. Hot wheels: it is like an exotic car and bike exhibition in these movies. Bright red ferraris, shiney yellow lambhorginis, jet black bullets, they've got it all!! And these cars are destroyed in the blink of an eye. I own a Maruti swift and I get upset even with the slightest dent. And these guys have no problem about blowing up a sexy purple Porsche!! Sigh! I feel poor now!
2. The dudes: these movies are full of beefed up men who are driving (and abusing) the aforementioned hot wheels. They are the kind who don't look back when there is a massive blast behind them, wear awesome sunglasses (even at night) and drive their cars/bikes like they were in an amusement park, driving those dodgem cars!
3. The babes: these girls with svelte, drool worthy bodies which they flaunt with great gusto in their short dresses, bikinis and shorts!! They loiter around trying to be relevant and important. But the most they bring to the table is their not so envy worthy wardrobe. And the dances. Oh yeah!! These girls dance to songs with weird lyrics! Crazy kiya re, lat lag gayi, and God knows what!
4. Money, money, money: the protagonists tend to talk in 100s of crores of rupees or billions of dollars!! It's like loose change for them!! Makes you raise an eyebrow if nothing else. It's like those guys thought the movie will still be relevant 50 years later and so they used exaggerated amounts if money now!
5. The what the f...!!! Moment: all these movies will have plenty of what the f...!! Moments where you will wonder what hit you!! Things like people dying, but not really dying, cars being blown up, girls saying "men are many but money is money!" These movies are full of such moments!!
6. The ammunition: just like the cars, these movies are also full of crazy big ass guns and bombs and other such ammunition which would make guys in the army sit up in their seats and wonder! So there you have a guy blowing up a car with a gun, or a pen gun or whatever. Fun!!

So there you have it! Still a little worried about the cars being blown up like that but there are a lot of other common features. Enjoy the movies but know that if you've seen one, you've seen the others! Do let me know what you think and what would you like to read next!
Loads of love :) :)

Saturday 30 March 2013

Those crazy star cast movies

Once upon a time, I was preparing for a very important exam in my life. I had imposed a lot of restrictions on myself then. And it was okay, because passing the exam was worth it. But then again, there is something no student, no matter how strong, can resist -  a movie which includes Anne Hatheway, Queen Latifah, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Jassica Alba, Ashton Kutcher, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey (just to name a few) in the cast. I remember when I was telling a friend in the library that I was going to watch a movie which had all these people, one random guy stopped and asked me about it. You've probably guessed which movie I'm talking about. It was the February of 2010 and I was going to watch Valentine's Day with my sister that night.
Now, not too many movies have been made with this formula, but the ones that have, well, they have way too many things in common!!! Way too many!!! So here it goes again!

  1. One lame holiday: The movies always revolve around one lame holiday! Be it Valentine's day or New Year's eve. People always talk about how Valentine's day is the day of lourve!! Or how New year's eve is symbolic for looking forward and turning over a new leaf and new beginnings yada yada yada! No one says anything about how the remaining 364 days can also be full of love, or how every day is a new day. 
  2. Elaborate star cast: These movies always have so many actors!!! The who's who of tinsel town is present in the movie in some way or the other. Even for the smallest of roles and the least amount of screen time! It's a clever strategy to woo audience. Out of sooooooo many actors, what are the odds that at least one would be the favorite of the cynical person out there who wouldn't have seen the movie otherwise?
  3. The regulars: These movies always have these people. ALWAYS! Ashton Kutcher, Hector Elizondo, Jessica Biel, someone from Grey's anatomy (ok...I know...that's cheating!) That bald guy and that fat guy ( I did my research...they are Larry Millar and Paul/Peter Vogt. Very small blink and miss roles...I'm awesome, so I noticed!)
  4. The lack of money: I'm sure hiring so many big actors for the movie has got to burn a sizable hole in the money people's pockets. No wonder they couldn't afford script writers. So the actors go about, doing their thing, hoping it ends up becoming something sensible...that's why there are so many story lines going on. Because the actors didn't have time for sitting down and discussing one plot (obviously...sooo many busy busy actors), they decided to conduct meeting with a few actors at a time. Thus different story plots emerged and everything got added into one big bad mad movie!
  5. Cheesy end credits: Don't they all have one? Bloopers, crazy dances, edited out scenes all playing while the credits role.
  6. A soundtrack: Too many song happening in these movies...to a point where it would start qualifying as a Bollywood movie (an honor if you ask me!). Also, there is always 1 singer in the cast, so might as well use their talents no?
So yeah...that pretty much wraps it up. Not to mention, these movies are entertaining. On a lazy Sunday afternoon, sitting in your pyjamas with a tub of buttery pop corn when you just have nothing to do